Autumn peeps through

Rising early doesn’t come naturally to me. Traditionally I’d roll from bed with half an hour to spare, and head straight to work via the kettle and maybe breakfast.

But yoga’s morning benefits became too numerous to resist — a hidden blessing of an older body perhaps. I’d regret sleeping in whenever my discipline slipped (consider that a warning). Since then I added post-asana meditation. A penny more focus and a sliver of presence. Worth it.

These days I’ve swapped it around: meditation then asana. I’m interested in what my mind feels like, before I properly waken. I get up, ablute and then sit down, yawning, to notice what I’m noticing.

Mornings stay dark much longer in March. When I sat the other morning, all was dim, but after, as the timer chimed and I opened my eyes, light was all around. I went outside.

Autumn peeps through.
Autumn peeps through.

The new sun lit up the leaves like stained glass. Birds were all about it. The day had a plan, tickety-boo.

Breath lifted my inner body, my shoulders opened. I scanned the horizon. And I thought, why wait for the sun? Even if the world is grey, or dark, everyday moments (even wretched ones) are precious. Passing away. Never to come again.

How fortunate was that moment of early sunlight! But how just like a sunny morning it was that the universe later manifested me in the murky afternoon, foibled and confused, amidst smog filled traffic:


If we allow, the cold or the grey, just like sunlight in the trees, can draw a surgeon’s blade through our surface worries.

Our compassion for ourselves and others is weak, when all we choose is this single-masted yacht, a cocoon aboard which to sail the vast sea of human experience.

Leap from your craft, I said aloud. Immerse yourself in the waters of happenstance. Occupy love.

At dusk, the cock announces dawn.
At midnight, the bright sun.

2 thoughts on “Autumn peeps through”

  1. “occupy love” – it really is a choice isn’t it ? I’ve so often in m life been so humbled by people I’ve met who, if I was to judge them off surface deep circumstance, I would say were troubled. deep in their issues and their sharp edged environment. but some of those same people are the happiest faces; the truest of souls. They might be struggling, but the struggling ceases to dominate as they choose to appreciate fully the moments of bliss. And every time I come across such a soul, I make a inner promise to myself that i will open my eyes and appreciate what is so freely given to me. Love. Life. Vision, hearing and touch. Taste; all the senses offering me the chance to embody love. This piece you have written is inspiring – not just because of the beautiful language ( “can draw a surgeon’s blade through our surface worries.” That. ) but because it gives readers a glimpse, through your eyes, of what is on offer if only we find the will to sit still. Find space. Drop the plan that we made for ourselves long ago and has no new insight to offer. Trust the new, and dive into it. Namaste.

    1. Thanks Sian! Nice to hear from you 🙂 I definitely agree it is a choice, in fact people who’ve survived the very worst atrocities and imprisonments have said that too — that the one true freedom, the one that can never be taken away, is the freedom to choose a response to our situation. But I think it’s sometimes a very difficult thing to do, seeing through the surface worries (and real pain) and keeping the wonder. Seeing things like a child. And neither do we just make that choice once and from then on simply cruise through life without a care. It’s not that breezy. It’s a choice we must REmake every time new circumstances arise. To develop awareness and mindfulness to the point where one can see each moment and soften … Let the surgeon draw blood … Feel the moment as it passes. There’s a certain sadness that comes along with this. I’m sure you understand.

      All the more bitter when it’s sweet. All the more sweet when it’s bitter.

      It’s much more complete than any simple saccharine kind of lollipop love.

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